“Instilling confidence”

2013 U.S. Public Links“Each of Jordan Niebrugge’s college coaches told him his expectations for his golf game were too modest. …His original goal was to finish in the top 20 of every tournament he played in, …But his coaches convinced him he could do even better….Niebrugge credited his coaches at Oklahoma State for instilling confidence in him during his freshman season.”

So.

He listened.

He heard.

He trusted.

They let go.

Jordan adjusted his aim.

Transformed his trajectory.

And became a national champion.

Sure, a coach, a parent, a friend or a teammate can “instill confidence in you.”

But in reality, they really aren’t adding anything to the mix. That is, they are not putting anything in you, that does not already exist.

After all, you are already precisely “who” and “what” you are.

At issue is figuring out just when you decide to let it all out.

To be the absolute best version of you.

So in a certain sense, “instilling confidence” is more about promoting independence.

Endorsing someone else’s  freedom.

Removing the barriers of self-imposed constraints, perceptions, thoughts and attitudes within another.

By letting go of yours.

When you “Instill confidence” in someone, you are simply allowing them to become what they were meant to be.

To encourage and celebrate their power.

To exalt their talents and opportunity.

To step back and let them shine.

All without out succumbing to your own fear.

Not the fear of their failure or defeat.

But rather the anxiety that can accompany losing someone you cherish to success. The distress that often comes with seeing someone you value move on; even if it means doing so with out you.  The possibility that you may no longer be needed as before.

If you have the courage to stare those thoughts down, and decide that they can become what they were intended to be, they will be  liberated.

Freed of the shackles that act to lower their expectations to spare your feelings, they too can simply “be” without fear.

They can turn their focus on “becoming.”

Then:

Adjusting their aim, they will transform their trajectory.

Achieve.

Succeed.

Be precisely what they were built for.

So.

“Instilling confidence” in someone is really about affirming your unconditional bond to them.

It is about reinforcing a very important connection that will always, without question, be, there.

It is about telling them in the best possible way that :

“You are built for great things – and you need to be that.”

It is about choosing to love them enough to “let them go.”

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